Whoosh.....Wait...that was Fall?

Yeah, similar title to last post, but it makes sense.
Boatloads of stuff has happened....some of it I wouldn't mind going into, some of it I wish it had never happened.
This post'll probably be short. I've been typing all night and my fingers and hands are killing me. If I don't have carpal tunnel now, I will soon.
Mostly this fall has dealt with College and interpersonal relationships. College is going well. Only two classes makes it easier to manage. Note to self: Write down Astronomy observations for tonight before bed...
Interpersonal relationships.
....
......
........
...........
Um.

Let's just say I'm not on Cloud Nine anymore with the boyfriend. From the MSN chats with him, he's ignoring the elephant in the room, and I can't help but stare at it, even if I don't say anything. This leads to slight lies and fibs...*groans* What went wrong? (Is learning to hate that three w sentence)
I won't be able to do anything concrete with him till I see him Thanksgiving week. Or sometime thereabouts. I didn't know it was possible to want something and dread it just as much at the same time. I love him, I do, and I don't want to hurt him, but I might have to because he needs to learn a valuable lesson. And then there's his sister and mom. I genuinely like them. They're great people, even if they have the short end of the stick in life. Anything I may do with the boyfriend will ultimately affect (effect? My grammar fails me at this point) them as well. --_--.

In Other News:
It's November. Therefore, it is NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. Should I say international? It's worldwide now. Has been for a few years. Anyway, the idea is simple. Write 50,000 words in one month. This is something I'm finding a lot harder to do than say. It's offically Nov. 9th ('bout 1:23 am) and I have 6,807 words. I am just under 8,200 behind.
The reason this is just so very important to me is that this plot that is going to be the first of three book has been culminating in my head for onto three years now. I started in '08, and barely got 1400 words in. Next year I got 0 words in. This year I am going all the way and nothing is going to stop me. Now if I can just get 8,000 words in one day, I'll be good. *groans some more*
In Other Other News:
Four of the six kitten have been given away, and so has their mother. My wishes and prayers go with them.
My best friend broke up with her boyfriend of three years and immediately hooked up with another guy. Don't know what to make of it. Will have some idea when I see her tomorrow.
Got to go to Ocean City MD, for five days, which I haven't been able to do for a couple years. I missed the place. Got to see a friend that I hadn't seen in a while either.
Still no job, still in dire need of one. Don't know what to do on that front. I am so tired of submitting applications and getting NO calls...it's very depressing.
Aaaaannnnd, that about sums it up. Any questions?

*WOOSH* Wait...was that summer?

So, when was my last update? I told you I wouldn't update this much....

So, shall I list what has happened?

1. Tash came over for two-fun filled weeks in which we:
   -saw a litter of kittens born and had to take care of them.
   -did lots of fanfiction planning/plotting
   -Got sugar high....multiple times.
   -Saw Avatar The Last Airbender movie...the PAAAAIIIIIIINNNNN (three times) I never want to see that movie again. I want to pretend it never happened it was that bad.
   -Went to Hershey Park all day
   -Saw Val for three days
   -Went to the historical district and did a lot of window shopping
   -Went to DC for the museams and ended up doing some shopping
   -Went to the local fair
   -fed cats
   -Attempted to fit 30 hours into a 24 hour day. Actually doable, but exhausting. I don't recommend doing it more than twice.
   
2. Another thing that happened. I got asked out. I don't think I've ever been on such an emotional high for so long. Haaaaaaappppppppppppppppy!!!!! But teh boyfriend is now at R.I.T....I miss him.....Hopefully I see him soon....Then I get to kiss him senseless...heheee...
   
3. Other things...Getting lots of fanfiction writing done for the Society. Lots and lots. Keeping up on cat messes, and starting college all over again. Yeap. That's everything in a nutshell.

Yeah, this summer was the busiest and most fun I've had in my life. Can I have another one like this?

Wonder in Fear

All right. I'm not trying to be as emo as that title says. I swear.
Here's the story for background:
I was waiting in between classes, I think it was about last week. (Dates have started to blurr lately. Can't remember what I ate for dinner two days ago) It was nice outside. Sun was shining, there was a slight breeze, it was warm. All good things. So I sit down on a bench in a grassy area to read and pass the time.
All of an effing sudden this huge bumblebee comes flying near me. Thing was the size of a lima bean. I'm slightly allergic to the things. Nothing life threatening, or I'd be carrying an epi-pen around with me everywhere. But whatever gets stung tends to swell to twice its size. This bee decided that I would make a good landing pad and landed on my left wrist. And it stayed there. For about two minutes. I had an iPod in my ears, the song was about 3 minutes long, and it was there most of the song.
So. It sat there. It even tasted me. Saw the proboscus(SP?) come out. (Thank you Magic School Bus) I obviously tasted good because it stayed there. Anyways. Point of this.
My adrenalin went up when the thing got near me, and shot through the roof when it landed on me. But there's a point in time when the absolute fear disapates for a moment, and every detail comes into absolute focus. A certain amount of wonder comes in, and is only magnified when the event is over.
That bee...such a thing of wonder. They have a certain amount of weight, and you can feel it, not like the weightlessness of a fly or mosquito. Tangible, I guess would be the word. Bee wings are very transparent, but they do have a color to them, black, or maybe a dark brown.
And, of course, bees are fuzzy. I remember feeling the fuzzy. And, delicate. I remember looking at the legs a lot. When I wasn't staring at its back end hoping it wouldn't sting me. The legs are so very, very tiny. It's hard to comprehend just how well things work out in nature, when you get a close look.
Looking back at it, that bee was a thing of such beauty.
I think I'll still be afraid of yellowjackets and wasps-they are mean buggers and should not be messed with. They have tempers. But Bees? I don't think I'll be so afraid of them anymore. They're just too beautiful.

Waiting....It's only May, darnit!

There have been times where I'm completely content with life and willing just to live day by day. And there have been times where I've wanted time to slow down, either to enjoy something more, or to put something off. (There's the procrastinator in me....)
And finally, the other extreme, the impatient waiting for something in the future to hurry up and get here, damn it!
Now, I've gotten pretty good at getting through weeks to the weekends without loosing my mind. It's just a constant reminder that Friday gets closer every day. It helps when you're in college rather than public school because of the class schedual. Not the same thing Every. Bleedin'. Day.
Anyway. A friend of mine is visiting from England, and I really can't wait to see her. *bounces* But she's not coming till the very end of June. And it's only the beginning of May. *twitch* I'd explode with impatience if that didn't mean I wouldn't see her.
((Breathe, hun, breathe. Only a couple weeks ago it was April. Time is passing. Just very slowly. Very...very slowly))
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!*runs in circles and then hits a wall*
Till next time?

Cost Differences

It's odd, the way flights are priced, depending on where your starting point is. To go from the US to London is over $1000, but to go from London to the US, it's under $600.
Mind, this is round trip, and economy class.
But either way, it's shocking, and just that little bit unfair. Makes it just that little bit harder for someone to travel.
.......
.......
It's interesting, and just that little bit disconcerting, watching a relationship from the outside, looking in. Watching it, pull apart, ever so slowly, like taffy being pulled, stretched too far.
I am a Watson in a Holmes/Watson friendship, and I am watching it fall apart. Holmes has gotten too caught up in his case, and has left Watson in the fog choked allies of London. Would--should?--Watson follow, or turn home?
And the real clencher--does Holmes realize he's left Watson behind?

Seeing the Future Through My Mother's Eyes.

Ok. So. Another random factoid about my life. My mom could easily be considered a senior citizen. She is at most restaurants.
She once got called my grandmother at Ocean City. I found this extremely amusing. She didn't.

Anyway. She was looking out the window of our house, at a large group of kids walking by. She shook her head and I asked her why.
To paraphrase, she was disgused at the fact that they were dressed sloppily, rude, inconsiderate, and any other manner of negative adjectives.
Now, I've had the unfortunate experience of having had to walk by these kids. All those adjectives in the line above? Completely true. When a 10 year old can cuss better than a high-school senior, you know something's wrong.
My point is, my mom is really starting to remind me of the 'unsociable old person' that tends to turn into a hermit in the movies.
I'm not all that sure of what my reaction should be. I love my mom, but......

Another reason for this post? I see the world's future crashing down around me. The world is screwed if the future is left to them. No such thing as common decency anymore.
Is this one of those times where if you don't laugh, you cry?
Lord help us all.

Song of the moment:
Dust in the Wind by Kansas

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind,
All we are is dust in the wind

Don't hang on,
Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, all your money won't another minute buy

Dust in the wind,
All we are is dust in the wind

What Makes the World Go 'Round?

I said in my first post that I'd be following "The Teenage Philosopher" and adding my thoughts here, since the comment box is small and I'd probably overload it. And most people don't read comments. Anyway.

First thing is that I disagree with: Greed is not the only thing separating mankind from Utopia. Admittedly, it's a big thing. A lot of things in history can be attributed to greed in one form or another. Mind, another word for greed here should be power. Man has always wanted to place himself above his fellow man, going all the way back to the story of Cain and Abel.
Cain: Why does God like your stuff?
Abel: I have no idea.
Cain: I hate you! *Abel is now dead*
(Yes, I know, overly-simplified, but you get the point.)
If one has power, greed is taken care of via the recieving of power. And greed can get you power, but only if you go about it the right way.

Back to my point, greed's not the only thing seperating us from Utopia. Fear, I believe, also keeps us from Utopia. Look at it. How many wars have started, how many people have been killed, just because neither group understands the other? What we do not understand, we fear, what we fear, we destroy.
Of course, this can turn into supremacy, for example whites being better than everything else, which leads into power/greed. But fear is also there.
Greed IS a huge leading factor, but don't discount fear.

Ideas of a free barter system.
It has worked in the past. Medieval villages, so far removed from the cities and their liege lords, pretty much only farmed so that they could pay taxes and feed themselves. However, now and then there would be a time where the peasant farmer would need something they couldn't grow, ex. something a smith could make. Now, smithing is hard work, and they can't afford to farm and smith at the same time. Also, their trade is in demand. The farmer would take some food to the smith, ask for a service, and hand the smith some food. The smith would then give them what they need. Free barter. Need for need, everyone's happy.
Now, as I look at it, a free barter system only works when someone needs something. Place a unneeded service in the equation, like a painter, and everything goes out of whack. The painter would almost never be needed, because his service is a luxury. Therefore, when he is needed, he's gonna charge a LOT of food for his service because the painter wants to survive till his next paycheck of food.
Free barter can't work in this day and age simply because people want too many unneeded services. Do you really NEED that iPod you listen to everyday?
Ah! There's that word again. Want=greed=power.
One must realize that people revolve around needs and wants, and that today's world is one of more wants than needs.

The general point at the end was to keep greed/power at bay long enough to keep it from destroying everything in its path.
That's hard to do. Very hard. It's almost hardwired into the human psyche.
Every system of government except for anarchy(which is pure chaos and is only a set-up for monarchy) has had a specific set up. You've got your elite few, your in the middle masses, and those at the very bottom of the totem pole. It's always been this way. It even happens with animals! Look at animals that live in groups. You've got your alpha male and female, the main group, and then you've got your outcasts who the rest of the clan tolerates. Top, middle, bottom. It's in human nature to claw for the top.

Where was I going with this?

Oh, yeah, this point. Someone is going to want to be better than everyone else. And there's want again.
Now that I think about it, anarchy might work as a system of government if there was some sort of impartial, immediate way to enforce the law. Government exists to enforce laws and to keep its people safe. Now, I'm thinking impartial, souless computer here, so this one needs more thought. I do NOT need to go Star Trek here.

Last thoughts for today? Look at history. If it's happened, it'll happen again. Trust me. Humanity just loves repeating itself. Makes me fear a bit for the United States. Look at the parallels between Ancient Rome and the United States. When you see them, you will get very, very creeped out.

Teenage Philosopher, thanks for making my brain work today.
Song for today:
We Are by Ana Johnsson

See the devil on the doorstep now (my oh my)
Telling everybody oh just how to live their lives
Sliding down the information highway
Buying in just like a bunch of fools
Time is ticking and we can't go back (my oh my)

What about the world today
What about the place that we call home
We’ve never been so many
And we've never been so alone

[Chorus]
You keep watching from your picket fence
You keep talking but it makes no sense
You say we're not responsible
But we are, we are
You wash your hands and come out clean
Fail to recognise the enemies within
You say we're not responsible
But we are, we are, we are, we are

One step forward making two steps back (my oh my)
Riding piggy on the bad boys back for life
Lining up for the grand illusion
No answers for no questions asked
Lining up for the execution
Without knowing why

[Chorus]
You keep watching from your picket fence
You keep talking but it makes no sense
You say we're not responsible
But we are, we are
You wash your hands and come out clean
Fail to recognise the enemies within
You say we're not responsible
But we are, we are, we are, we are

It’s all about power then
Take control
Breaking the rule
Breaking the soul
They suck us dry till there’s nothing left
My oh my, my oh my

What about the world today
What about the place that we call home
We' ve never been so many
And we've never been so alone....
So alone

[Chorus]
You keep watching from your picket fence
You keep talking but it makes no sense
You say we're not responsible
But we are, we are
You wash your hands and come out clean
Fail to recognise the enemies within
You say we're not responsible
But we are, we are, we are, we are

It’s all about power then (we are)
Take control (we are)
Breaking the rule (we are, we are)
Breaking the soul (we are)
They suck us dry till there’s nothing left (we are, we are)
My oh my, my oh my

We are
We are (its all )
We are
We are, we are (take control)
We are
We are
It’s all about power
Then take control

Friday Night Lights

So. It's Friday. Specifically Friday night. School's out for the week, it's now Spring Break, and there's no real stressing assignments/issues/events to worry about at the moment.

Shouldn't I be out on the town, enjoying myself with my friends, trolling the malls, or in some way getting out of the house and having a good time?
Oh, nooooooooooo...........
Instead, I'm sitting at home waiting for the time to pass for no specific reason, and trolling fanfiction.net for hopefully something good to read. That even means flicking through my long favorites list for a story that maybe I haven't read four times.
Hmph.

Maybe I'll work on that drawing piece for the Anti-Cliche and Mary-Sue Elimination Society. Yes, I had to put that in. It's a big part of my life, now. I've met so many people through that. Fanfiction is probably a better place to meet people then going outside and hitting a bar. And it's almost guaranteed to have someone with likes and hobbies like yours.
It would be very, very cool if it was possible to set up a ACMSES meeting. Like a huge party of some sort. It'd be hard, though, because we span countries, and not just states. A lot of us live in the US, and then there's a good bunch in England. And just think how expensive that would be. Lodging, food, transportation. I'm wincing already at the numbers my brain is pulling up. If one of us won the jackpot lottery we might be able to do it, but only then.
*shakes head* Pipe dream, but a nice one nonetheless.
Maybe we couldn't do a huge, everyone-in-one-spot meeting, but what about a regional one?
We'd have to split up the US into three or four regions, because, frankly? The US is huge. You can fit two or three Englands in it and have room for a bit more. A east coast, central, and west coast meetings. Not sure about across the pond. And I think there's a couple people in other places/countries. Hmmm.....This is much more doable, but still expensive. *is pensive*

And the concentrated insanity....governments all over the world would be watching us to make sure we didn't do/start anything nasty. *cackles evilly* Be worth it just for that.
Lord, the fanfiction we could write.

Hail, hail! Cower before us! The ACMSES is meeting and we are a force to be reckoned with!

Mmmmm.....boosted my mood just by thinking this up. *smiles* I love you guys, ACMSES.

Well, I'm off to go do some drawing. Seems my visual muse is awake and raring!

Current song playing:
Careless Whisper, by Seether.

I feel so unsure
As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor
As the music dies, something in your eyes
Calls to mind a silver screen and all those sad goodbyes.

I'm never gonna dance again
Cause guilty feet have got no rhythm.
Though it's easy to pretend,
I know you're not a fool.
I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I'd been given.
So I'm never gonna dance again,
The way I danced with you.

Time can never mend
The careless whispers of a good friend.
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
And there's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find.

I'm never gonna dance again
Cause guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I'd been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you

Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose the crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say
We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But now who's gonna dance with me?
Please stay!

I'm never gonna dance again
Cause guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I'd been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you!

Hum. This is new.

I don't usually keep up with these, so expect rare postings if you follow me.

"The Teenage Philosopher" got me here. I decided to join up. As to his penname, he'll be talking about philosophy. I will have my own comments to this, and will most likely put them here if not in his comments section, with my own add-ons.

I've just gotten into Joseph Campbell's work via a book giveaway at my college, and the book I'm reading is "The Power of Myth." Some of it is waaaaaaaaay above me, and a lot of it requires outside reading of some other books and a detailed reading of the Bible without the religious connotations. It irks me beyond words the way some believe that what the Bible says is right, and the only way to go, without EVER looking at another POV. That kind of ignorance should be a crime. Go learn about other people! I am learning myself, and it's a big eyeopener. And there are a lot of things in there that are over my head and will take a second and third reading with a dictionary beside me.

It's giving me a new idea about how I should look at things. I consider myself a Christian, and live my life that way. But, reading The Power of Myth" and with my own knowledge of history, really makes me question some of the tradition and procedure.

How about something more down to Earth, if just as difficult to puzzle out?

Social life. Uhg. Really, uhg. I'm 18, and therefore I come with all the social difficulties of that age. To make it worse, I am awkward when it comes to guys. I have a very hard time flirting. Which is very unfair, because my two closest friends are very good at flirting. I'm am learning, but it's a slow process. Oh, for the style and customs of the 19th century, where it was called courting, and this 'dating' thing never came into the equation. *hmph*
The situation, detailed.
As I said, I'm awkward when flirting. So, guy comes into life. I think guy is cute. Other friend comes into picture and promptly nabs said guy right out from under my nose. Now, I let her have him. I shrug it off. Fast-forward a few months. Other friend, let's call her R, has had a couple of difficulties and now is no longer with cute guy #1. Enter cute guy #2. I think he's cute, and so does R, apparently. Well, so does J (who is girl number three for you readers), but she's already taken and therefore is off the playing board at the moment.
R and J both know that I thought cute guy #2 was cute, and I wanted to at least flirt/attempt to get CG#2/grab his attention. Oh, noooooo, R has to immediately grab CG#2 out from under my nose again. And it hurts. A lot. Doesn't help that R has a lot of boy/self-esteem problems and therefore flings herself at any guy that comes along. Really, R, use a little common sense!
So, I'm hurting massively, and extremely jealous. But, I am a close friend of R. I've known her since elementary school. When you're a friend with someone this long, you become extremely loyal to this person. I'd defend her from anything, really.
So, I'm having a hard time deciding to confront her with this information, and how. Because I know it would hurt her. I don't want to do that. Well, part of me does. Jealousy and hurt make you want to lash out at others. J knows what I'm going through but that isn't much comfort.
I'm thinking I may talk it over with her eventually. But I have to get her alone, first. Whooooooo boy, that will be a job and a half.